the beach

“The cure for anything is salt water -

sweat, tears, or the sea.”

~Isak Dinesen

(heaven)

I love my new blog header.
I was starting to feel like the old one looked cheesy.
I am worried that this one gives the sense that I am depressed.
Maybe I am.

We traveled visit Jeff's grandparents a few weeks ago. It was a bittersweet trip. Jeff's grandma was in the hospital (now in hospice) and the older kids verbalized what the grownups were thinking...this is the last time we come to Pensacola to visit our great grandparents.
Big thoughts.
Tough and sad feelings.

(great grandparents enjoy each other, the beach and watching the kids play.)

We had a great time on the beach. All 7 of us could stay on the beach for hours and hours and hours. The beach renews us. It takes us away. We can play. Rest. Laugh. Cry. Sit and take it all in. We will go back to Pensacola.
It is in our blood.
In the blood of our kids.
Pensacola will be the place that our kids tell stories about. Crazy long road trips, sandwiches, road side parks, and great grandparents.
The very best great grandparents.
And the beach.

(jeff jumps waves with a sleeping baby wyatt.)

Reagan's Blob

I read a handful of mormon lady blogs.
I am not mormon - they are.
I am not stylish - they are.
I do not fix our home super cute - they do.
I do not fix beautiful meals and host beautiful dinner parties - they do.
And I can't help it.
I enjoy these gals and I am addicted to their blogs.

A few months ago, one of my favorite mormon ladies introduced me to a blogger named Reagan. And that began my addiction to Reagan's Blob. Reagan is a wife, mother, super stylish hair cutter. And I really love to read her blob. Her daugther Piper is sick and lives in a hospital. I often find myself thinking about Reagan and Piper. I want to be friends with them. Reagan inspires me. Reagan helps me to see things from a different perspective. Reagan give me tips to help me fix my hair.

Not so long ago, Jeff had a fancy work party that we had to attend. So I needed a fancy dress. I don't normally do fancy dresses. Or hairdo's. Or shoes. Hell, sometimes I even wear the same clothes for days in a row. When I was trying to figure out what I was going to wear, I thought of Reagan. She always looks so cute. I went to the Target and bought an outfit that I though Reagan would wear. I gotta say, it turned out better than I expected and I got a handful of compliments. I also watched one of Reagan's hair videos and figured out how to fix this hair. And that turned out pretty okay too. Man, I like that Reagan.

(jc's company hired a photographer.)
(we didn't know that she caught this moment.)
(i love the picture. i love our smiles. i love my shoes. i hate my belly. i hate my thighs.)
(but love the picture more.)

Reagan and her family are having a hard time right now. I don't know them, so I probably won't send them a thinking of you note through the email. But I am thinking of them and sure do hope Piper is okay.

Maybe someday I will be able to tell her that she inspired me to look cute for one night. Maybe someday I'll be able to tell her that the love for her husband and child inspires me too.
Oh this crazy blog land.
It is surely a trip.

Inside the Walls

(before - only a shelter)

The house that we rent went on the market 19 days ago. There is a chance we will have to move again. Our landlord is being good to us and saying that if the house sells, we can move into one of his other properties. He and his wife have multiple properties in the neighborhood and they want to help us stay here.

I am trying to keep it in perspective.

I am trying to stop crying.

No matter where we are, we will be together.

No matter what the walls look like when we move in, we will fill them full of life and love.

I hate having to do this to the kids again.

I am so bummed.

Someday I will be marking the height of our kids on a wall.
Someday.

For now, I will keep going forward and remember not to lose sight of the things we have to be thankful for.

Maybe we will win the lotto soon and can buy this house before someone else snatches it up.
Fingers crossed.

(after - full of life and love)

20 + 1 + 3

(hrlb captures our time)

20 years ago, we got married.
21 years ago + 3 days, we had our first kiss.

What is in a number? I have been thinking about that a lot lately. Here are some of the things in our number.

7331 days
20 years, 26 days
8 pregnancies

5 Carrs

9 houses
5 grandparents that have died
1 parent that died
2,460 miles driving the length of I10
19 states traveled
1 country visited (if mexico counts)
1 car on fire

7 Rush concerts
3 dogs
5 cats
8 cars

But what is really in a number?

I don't know. 20 years.

We have dishes to wash.

We have bills to pay.

And we have love.

We have clothes to wash.

We don't own a home.

Everyday there is some stress.

And we have love.

So far we have won.

We are beating the odds.

I have never been a person that wins at anything.
We have friendship.

We have trust.

We find humor.

And we have love.

I feel in my bones that we will be married forever.

I can't imagine this love going away.

20 is just a number.
And we still have love.