Saturday, November 15, 2008


And did I remember to tell you that I am the mother of a 12 year old???

He LOVES the risky business glasses that J gave him and the Madden 09 from W. He has already FINISHED reading the book he got from E, used ALL of his gift card from Dave and Darlene to get a new skateboard and has watched Balls of Fury from M at least 5 times.

I love that he appreciates and loves all of his gifts. I love that he told me that his favorite part of his birthday was his family party.

I am so thankful for this 12 year old kid. I love him So so SO much.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Second Set Of Eyes

I've gotten many responses to my Rain post. JC says that it is good that I know I am not alone. I think he is right.

I received a message from my BFF HRL who lives in Germany. I am always so thankful for her being my second set of eyes. Here is part of what she had to say.

Remember when that picture was taken? The cloud rolled in and the rain came, but then what? The kids still had a good time, everyone was still together, and you got free tickets to come back. So out of the rain came something good.

Yeah, she's right, I called her thrilled that we got to go twice for the price of a one day ticket. Our kids LOVED playing in the rain. They talk more about the rainy day trip than they talk about the sunny day trip.

Out of the rain comes something good. I just hope the good includes some dessert.

Hondo, Texas

Sweet little town. I bet every resident has a gun and eats mayo with every meal.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Rain

I recently read Brooke Shields book about post partum depression. I am moved by her story - or maybe I should say that I am moved about her coming clean. I'll probably never meet her - but if I do, I will tell her that I appreciate her honesty. She is helping people even if she doesn't know it. Miles would say that she has integrity. (Miles told us yesterday that integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching.)

I've been trying my hardest to run away from the dark cloud. I can see it, I can feel it hovering. I am working so hard to stay out from under it, but sometimes the wind blows hard and before I know it, I am under it again. The dark cloud was clamped down on top of me when #2 was born. It was horrible. It latched on and I worked so hard to break free. When #3 and #4 were born, we worked so hard to keep that cloud in the distance. We were successful.

Now for my SBW, that stoopid cloud is hovering again. I love these children more than life. I love my husband more than that. We all take care of each other. We are all safe when we are together.

I don't have feelings of hurting my loved ones. Sometimes I just have the feeling that I need to pack us all up and run. RUN FAST. Sometimes I feel like I can't listen anymore, I can't breathe anymore, I can't do anymore, I can't cry anymore, I can't deal anymore. Not in a jump outta the window kinda way, more in a 'I'm fighting to get to the surface' kinda way. I am under the water and I can see the light and I've just gotta keep swimming to get there. I can do it - I just can't give up.

The doctor knows. We've talked in depth about it. I just feel like if I can get through the next couple of months, then we will have beaten down that dumb cloud.

My sweet JC and I were talking this morning. In the quite of our safe home with our sweet baby sleeping, we were talking. Sharing. Being real. I told him that the photo of the storm cloud over the water park is how I am feeling. I am watching it roll in. I am watching my family laugh and splash and have fun. I am watching it all happen. I know that at these times, instead of watching I need to be participating. Holding, loving, laughing - keeping the rain at bay. And if the rain comes down, then I should be with my people, not standing alone watching it happen.

And you should also know that these dumb dark clouds will not keep me from having another baby. Babies are blessings. These children are my purpose. These children are the hope for tomorrow. Being a mother to these children is all that I ever wanted in my whole life.


We went camping at Garner State Park this weekend. We took a day hike at Lost Maples State Natural area too. Beautiful fall color. More color than I ever remember seeing in Texas. I love Texas. I really do.

I wish I could stay gone with my people forever. Driving down the road all crammed in the car. Listening to good music, making sandwiches, hiking on the river bank. Not a care in the world. No cell phone, no TV, no computer, no schedule. Just family. Just perfect.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

20 Years and 1 Day Later

This picture was taken on my 18th birthday. These girls have been my true girlfriends for 30+ years.

We love each other. We connect. We spent too many months (sometimes years) without seeing or talking to each other. Silly old life just seems to get in the way.

We are going to get together soon. I am excited. I am nervous. We will cry, laugh, hold each other, share, drink and cry some more. I am glad we are all still here for each other.

I am thankful.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Never Noticed

Watching the TV tonight and Miles says 'mom, does Barack Obama have black hair?'

I say 'yes Miles, he does. He is called African American because he also has skin that is black, like Theo.'

Miles says 'Theo is called black and African American????? (with a very puzzled look on his face) I never noticed that his skin is black.'

I guess it is true that true friends are color blind.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Boy-o-Boys Part 2

And two things I forgot to mention...

1. S actually invited M to his party. He wanted him here and included him in every event.

2. One of the gifts S received (and the most popular gift among the friends) is the Guinness Book of World Records 2009. I am not sure if it happened intentionally or accidentally, but one of the first things that was pointed out, passed around, looked at and then re-looked at, was the picture of the woman with the largest breasts. Oh boy-o-boys.


Tonight we are having a party. A 12 year old boy sleepover party. Not to be confused with a slumber party, which is apparently what it is called when girls do this thing.

Yes, that is right, I am about to be a mother of a 12 year old. 12.YEAR.OLD. Wow.

As you may know, we don't have birthday parties every year. This is the first party that S has had since 2nd grade. We usually just do the family party, but this year is a year that all the kids get to have a b-day party. Whew...

So, S invited 7 friends over for a sleepover. The night started with football and then hide-n-seek in the dark.

Next up was a scavenger hunt through the neighborhood (four different houses and a big walk up a hill).

The final reward at the end of the hunt was a jumbo can of shaving cream and then we headed back to the house for a shaving cream fight.

Once everyone was sprayed off with the water hose, we were on to hot dogs, veggie tray (only 12 year old in town asking for a veggie tray as his party),chips, cheese dip, then cake and gifts and now they are all in their sleeping bags watching a movie. Boy-o-boys!

All of the kids are really good kids. All but one of the kids is on the soccer team. All but two go to our school. All but one is in the 6th grade.

Tomorrow morning we will get up and have biscuit sandwiches for breakfast and they will run and play.

The almost 12 year old is very happy tonight. We are SO thankful that we can do this for him.