Wednesday, September 30, 2009


My head is full. I've been bouncing all over the place lately with my thoughts. There are times where it feels like my chest will break into a million little teenie tiny pieces if anyone accidentally bumps into me.

I am happy. I feel so loved. I feel like loving so much. Oh these babies. I want to just eat them up. Every single one of them, dirty fingernails and all.

I was driving down the road yesterday and I had a rare moment where a memory from my childhood came rushing into my head. I don't know what the trigger was. Before I knew it, I was in traffic on Lamar crying my eyeballs out. It is a strange thing, our mind.

We have an outstanding new music teacher at our school. He has the kids truly interested in music. This afternoon, I was watching YouTube videos with #2 and #4 - Elvis, Beach Boys, Ella Fitzgerald, Miles Davis, Beatles, Louis Armstrong. We were talking about Elvis and watching him perform in the 'old days' - as the kids like to say. I asked #4 if he remembered a certain song from Lilo and Stitch. He didn't know what I was talking about. It is sad to me that #4 can't remember seeing a lot of the movies that are huge memories for the other kids. When the first four were under 5, we had movie night every Friday after playing at the park. We'd watch all of the kid movies - Dumbo, Jungle Book, Little Mermaid, Toy Story, Lilo and Stitch. It is such a bummer he doesn't remember those sweet sweet times with four under five. So we watched Lilo and Stitch tonight. I think he liked it. I think he really really liked it. It was nice to all be in the living room having that time.

Maybe it was really nice because our bellies were full. I made pork chops, mashed potatoes (from scratch), green beans, corn and super flat rolls. Ugh. I let them rise for almost 4 hours and then they dropped when I put them in the oven. Oh well, they were really yummy flat rolls. :)

In addition to being worried about my own stupid crapola, I've also been worried about my friends. I think a lot about my friends in the middle of the night. I wonder where their hearts are. I hope they know they are loved.

I've also decided that I am done with grown-up problems. I am not done with the grown-ups or listening to the problems, but I just think that sometimes being a grown-up really really stinks. This is a brief list of what is happening to some of the people that we care about - friends getting a divorce, friend having an affair, friend that is trying to come out to the kids, and friend with a serious alcohol problem. One of my very best friends in the whole wide world was battered by her soon to be ex-husband last weekend - oh and that is different than the divorcing friends that I mentioned above. I can't completely let myself think about her being hit by someone that she loved. I can't completely let myself think about the fact that her child was there when it happened. I can't understand why a grown-up would be such a coward and so stupid. I can't let myself go back to the place where I am the child watching the abuse. I just can't.

I received an email that moved me this week. I haven't yet responded. I guess that is another thing to put on the list of things I can't do right now. It was hard to read, but it was good to read. I need to read it really really fast or else the tears take over and I will melt into a pool on the desk. Oh what facebook can do. Oh how I love my cousin. I mean really really love her. Thank you Vivian. I am working on being able to really really hear things from our past. I am taking baby steps, but they are steps.

Vivian sent you a message.

Subject: My First Memory of You

I did not want to share this with everyone. I remember this little toddler girl brought into my grandparents house with burn scars & hurt written in her eyes. Tia Jackie & Tio Manuel said this is our new daughter. I smiled at you, held my arms out to you & you fell into my arms & wrapped yours around me tight. I have always thought of you as special since then. We may not have communicated throughout the years but as long as I know you are still out there, my world is a better place.
Love you,

Oh and on the list of things that I can do, LOOOOVVVVEEEE my husband, LLLOOOOVVVVEEEEEE my kids, be a FRIEND and take my kids to happy hour at Sonic. So there list of crummy things that I can't do - I am winning!

P.S. Oreo is the name of our new kitty.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Without Thinking

I did it.

I REALLY did it this time.

I was checking out the old facebook page tonight and noticed that our good friend had a stray kitten hanging in her garage.

At that very moment I sent her a message and within 10 minutes that kitten became ours.

I didn't ask JC.

I didn't talk to the kids.

I just did it.

I know it was a rash decision. and.i.don'!!!!!

We can't have a catless house. I can't STAND a catless house.

JC just smiled when I walked through the door. It was a half smile that can only be given by a man that has been married to me for almost 19 years and knows that I am sometimes a little bit nutty. (to say the least)

The boys woke up and were excited.

The girls don't know yet. Tomorrow morning when they have bed heads and sleepy eyes they will get a sweet surprise.

I am excited.

Fingers crossed that he uses the litter box that I just made for him. I can't wait until we can give him a name tomorrow.

I can't wait until he lays on my head while I am trying to sleep.

Welcome home kitty, I am looking forward to spending the next 15 years with you!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Eyes

The other night I was up in the middle of the night. I walked into the kitchen and this is what I saw.

It kinda freaked me out at first.

Then it just made me sad.

The kids are still visiting his grave regularly.

#1 has made his picture the wallpaper on both of the computers.

We were so lucky to have such a sweet kitty for such a long time.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Flying High

Well, a handful of you have commented regarding the whereabouts of SBW in the Lucky JUMP picture!

He was there with us. But he was too busy running around to be bothered with trying to do a synchronized jump for a picture. Besides, he likes to spend his time flying high with his super fun dad.

Seems like he can laugh for hours and hours when dad is throwing him in the air. Seems like we never get tired of hearing it.

And this is a shot of how cute a 13 month old can be after hanging out at the soccer fields all day on Saturday. There wasn't a dirt free spot on his sweet little body!

I think these picture didn't turn out too shabby with our broken cheap camera. Maybe I should sign up for one of those jazzy photography classes too!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Goodbye GL

My eyes are puffy tonight. Tomorrow is the last day of the Guiding Light and I am sad. I've have spent the last couple of nights watching a weeks worth of episodes. Although I hadn't watched the show in a handful of years, I cannot believe that it is over. I was screaming at the TV and JC all night long because my Springfield friends were coming out of the wood works.

Some of my earliest childhood memories include this television show. I can remember being in kindergarten and my mom watching the show. This is one of the only memories I have from our first family home. White bread (Sunbeam) sandwiches, koolaide, hair braids and the Guiding Light on the little black and white television.

I can remember being in junior high and high school and watching the Guiding Light during the summer. We had a giant console television. It was the years of love for Phillip, Rick, Mindy and Beth. They were the people that I SO wanted to be my friends.

After Jeff and I got married, I still watched. We'd put the video tape in the VCR so that I could watch once I got home from work. Oh that Roger - he kept me coming back.

When we had our first babies, I would put the kids down for nap and watch during my 'mommy break hour'. I would call on the phone to my best mommy buddy Val and we'd talk about the show and our babies.

As a young girl, I dreamed of being a Bauer. I wanted to be invited to their family July 4th picnic so bad that I couldn't stand it.

I kinda lost the show in the last few years. I was always checking out the soap opera magazine in the grocery line though. I knew that my Springfield family was always there and recognizable whenever I was ready to come back.

I am ready to come back now, and they are leaving. I just can't believe it.

For those of you that have never heard of or watched this soap opera, here is a little bit of information.

* Final episode on Friday, Sept. 18, 2009
* The series spanned 72 years
* More than 15,700 episodes on television and radio

Wow, I just never thought I'd see the day that Guiding Light would no longer be on television.

Thanks for the memories Maureen, Ed, Rick, Michelle, Danny, Phillip, Beth, Allan, Alexandra, Nola, Fletcher, Josh, Shane, Maura, Vanessa, Matt, Billy, Bill, Dinah, Bert, Jeffrey, Olivia, Blake, Holly, Frank, Buzz, Nadine, Harley, Gus, Daisy, Marina, Lizzie, James, Mallet, Mel, Roger, Lillian, Hart, Lujack, Kassie, Jeffrey, Edmond, Dylan, Bridget, HB and Reva Shayne Lewis Spaulding Lewis Cooper Lewis.

I'll never forget you guys!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Lucky JUMP!

We are so lucky! Our dear sweet Krob is taking a photography course and she needs subjects.

How 'bout that.

Some pretty jazzy pics. of my kids all in the name of helping a friend.

Gotta love it and gotta LOVE the JUMP!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

A Number

So you might have noticed that I haven't been around much lately. Seems like when the kids are at school, Sweet Baby is busy holding me. And when the kids aren't at school, I am busy holding them. And driving them around.

There has been so much love to soak up in the last few weeks that blogging (or anything computer related) has been the last thing on my mind. Or actually, it has been on my mind a lot, but it has been the last thing on the never ending to do list.

I have been full of worry again. It is very very apparent by the rash that now covers the upper part of my right leg. Scratch scratch scratch.

I have been amazed lately by the number of conversations I have had that turn to facebook talk. Seems like it might be taking over the world. I have even heard people talking about the number of friends that they have. I am a bit surprised by all of this friend counting mumbo jumbo. I have no idea how many friends I have. I do know though that I can honestly say that I know every single one of my friends in real life. Seems that some folks just ask anyone that has a mutual friend or is in a mafia with them. Not me though. If you are my friend on facebook, then I am proud to say that I've had some face time with you during life.

And about me saying face time. I was called out a few weeks ago for saying that I was looking forward to some face time with my husband. It seems that some of my friends live in the gutter and assumed that meant some lovin' time. Well, for the record, that isn't what I meant. And I don't know when face time became slang for getting it on in the land of the hip young people. And besides, if we are gonna get it on, I'm sure not going to update my status about it. Although we ARE married and it IS a perfectly normal thing for folks like us to do.

My bff Heather is back in America. She and her hubby came to visit last week. I didn't want to sleep. I just wanted to talk and talk and talk for hours. It turns out that I didn't want to shower either. Thank goodness she still loves me, even if I stink when I am visiting with her.

The other big news? Well, it is the rain, of course! Rain and rain and rain and rain. I love the rain. Is it bad that I am already feeling cold though? Ugh. I am not looking forward to being cold this winter. I love me some Texas heat!

I'll be back this week. I've got lots and lots to say.

Thanks for checking in on me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

Leah's Story Link

Today starts Childhood Cancer Awareness month. Please click on the link above (Leah's Story) to see the story of our friend Leah. What a brave little girl. What a strong family.

I promise you will be touched.


Tonight I hurt. I hurt for me. I hurt for my kids. I hurt for my Jeff.

Our kitty died today.

We are all so sad.

The tears just keep coming. We cry in shifts. One person stops, the next person starts.

Marcellus was a member of our family. He had been with us for 14 years. Our kids have never known life without this cat. He was my constant friend. He always gave us unconditional love - even when I forgot to buy the cat food.

I am so so so thankful for our vet who helped us make the right decision today. I am thankful that so many people in our lives got to experience the perfect pet. I am thankful that my friend Krob was willing to take some incredible pictures of him this afternoon before we all had to say good-bye.

We were all so lucky to have this guy in our lives.

He was purring all the way until the end.

Oh my sweet kitty, how I will miss you.