Monday, July 22, 2013

The walls

born in 1784
imagine what life was for Thomas and Mary

It is 1am.
I can't go to sleep.
The house is extremely quiet except for the faint snoring and the sound of fans.

There are 15 people sleeping in this house.
Between the four walls.
One mother with her husband, her 3 boys, the wives and the grandkids.
In the town she considers her hometown and where she has most of her childhood memories.

I didn't recognize until this moment of still and quiet how significant this trip is.
One mom's entire family is together.
Her children are now adults.

It is weird to think that 25 years from now I might be longing to do this same thing with my kids.
Except it might be in Manvel.
With trips to the Confederate cemetery and the Oak Park cemetery.
And maybe a tortilla burger.
And of course some Joe's.

I am actually feeling emotional just thinking of it.

I feel like I am takin it for granted that all of the people that I gave birth to live with me now.

In the big picture, it is such a short amount of time that we will be living together as a family.
These children that I have waited for and wanted my whole life will soon be gone.

I have got to savor every minute.

And I need to take a moment to appreciate the beauty and joy that this trip brings my mother in law.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

How Graceland Changed Me

We are on our way to Indiana.
7 Carrs jn the car.
This is an important trip for Jeff's mom.  She has been planning this trip in her mind for years.  She sent us a message a few weeks ago saying that this trip was her lifelong dream.
(First thought - shit, that's some pressure - hope I don't screw this up.)

As it turns out, both of Jeff's grandparents died in the last 18 mos, so this will also be a time to remember and celebrate their lives and spread their ashes.  Big family moments for sure.

Driving to Indiana takes about 20 hours.
We have done if once before when we only had 3 kids.  It is funny to me now that it never crossed my mind to worry about putting 2 toddlers and a baby in the car for a cross the country trip.  I am guessing in about 10 more years I will marvel at the memory of putting 5 kids in the car for 14 days.

So as we drive down the road today my mind is on Graceland.
We stopped for the night in Memphis.  For months I have looked forward to our Memphis day.

I worked up plan after plan trying to come up with my perfect Graceland scenario.  I called the box office multiple times to make sure I had the prices right. And somehow, I never bit the bullet and bought the tickets.

Jeff and I have been to Graceland before.  We have done the whole Memphis thing, but I wanted to do it again with the kids.

So we get to Memphis last night and everyone was tired and wanted to check into the hotel.
And then we go to eat supper and everyone is still tired so we go back to the hotel to hit the hay.
And now, at 7:28am it hits me.  We are out of Memphis.  Driving down I40 on our way to Indiana and I am not going to Graceland.
I know, wah.
I put on my sunglasses to try to hide the stoopid tears.  The kids and Jeff are making fun of me.  They think it is funny and maybe even a little cute.
I am not trying to be cute.
My life will go on even though I didn't get to go to Graceland.
I know that.
I am trying to figure out why it makes me sad.
I got nothing.
I think I am just bummed because I don't know when we will ever be back.
I wanted to have a picture in front of the gate with my kids.

I don't want to live my life in such a hurry to get somewhere that I miss the ride.
Why wouldn't we go back 20 minutes this morning to look at a closed gate that I wanted to see?
Seriously, we are going to drive 11 hours today.  What is an additional 40 minutes?
I guess I don't know what Graceland is teaching me right now.
Maybe it is reminding me to stand up for myself and tell people what I want.  Maybe it is that glaring reminder to not have regret and to live every moment.
Maybe the lesson is to not sweat the small stuff.
I guess what I know for sure is that time in the car is not more important to me than the 5 minutes it would have taken to have a picture of me and my kids standing in front of that gate.

I don't know.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Whoa. Back off, dude.

It is an interesting thing to watch a toddler turn into a kid and see how their personality evolves.

Wyatt is the youngest with 4 very protective older siblings.

He is fast, smart, kind and fearless.
He is a normal, rambunctious kid that can be a freak just like the next guy.
But he doesn't like to be around other kids that are loud, overbearing, or bossy.

We had two meeting at preschool last year because he would hide when 2 of the more 'confident' kids came around.

I am sitting in the chick-fil-a watching him and Miles in the playscape.

They are both doing everything in their power to stay away from the loud screamer kids.

I feel like so many kids don't have personal space boundaries these days.
I would scold our kids if they walked up to a stranger kid and tried to pick them up or hug them.

Somehow the 'confident' kids always seem to make their way to where ours are.

I do not consider myself an introvert and I don't actually know what the typical characteristics are.

But I do know that I don't like to be around people that are making a scene.

I'd say that Jeff is probably an introvert.
And Sam.
And Miles.
And now that I think about it, I guess our girls have a lite touch of it too.

We have some friends that wish there would be kid free plane rides, restaurants and grocery stores.

Maybe my next focus will be to have times set aside for introvert shopping and eating out.

That'll be my platform when I run for Mrs. America.

And since I am perfect, I am sure I will win.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I am all about love

There are times that I just want to punch someone in the throat.
Like hard.
Just turn around and sock 'em good.

wyatt made his own lunch

My kids are nice kids.
Not perfect.
But nice.
Somehow they have managed to attract a few friends that aren't so nice.
Not bad kids, but kids that are not sincere or thoughtful or kind.
I have tolerated these kids.
I have welcomed them into our home.
And there are so many times that I just wanna punch them in their perfectly smug little faces.

it is a breadhouse

I know it is terrible to want to hurt a kid.
Technically, I don't want to hurt anyone.
I just wanna give them enough of my fist to shock them.

And then maybe I will call them a few names and tell them what assholes they are and how they will likely live a sad and lonely superficial life with friends that that have bought.

he ate the whole thing

I have always said that we don't throw away our friends.

A few years ago, someone that claimed to be a friend said something really hurtful to me.
And I was done.
I see this person and I am pleasant, but oh so done.

I have a friend that I lost due to a dramatic breakup and I still think about her and miss being her friend.

I don't want to live my life with regrets and that includes the regret of having people around that are hurtful.

I have to set the example and makes some changes.

And then maybe my girls will be strong enough to do the same.

And then I won't have to go to jail for punching a bitchy asshole kid in the throat.