Wednesday, August 29, 2012

busy is a job

for wyatt, being the youngest of 5 is the greatest thing ever.
he is the center of attention all of the time.
he always has someone willing to play, get his water and humor him.
these days of the big kids going back to school are so hard for him.
he seems to be pretty down in the dumps and asks often 'if it is time to get my big kids yet?'
even our regular train ride found him with his head down on the seat in front of us.
sometimes even our favorite things can't help us get out of the dumps
so that leaves me trying to find ways to keep this guy busy until 2:45 and still get some of my stuff done.
he has loaded and unloaded the washer and dryer multiple times.
he has helped me sweep, done errands and has mastered watering the plants on the deck all by himself.
i was relieved when i looked out the window this morning and saw him watering.
mastering the big kid jobs
and he was so proud of himself.
his pre-k will start next week, so that will help a bit.
and until then, i will be very busy finding ways to keep him busy.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

the old girl

this is our old dog, canela.
me and this dog have gone rounds and rounds.
she has been through 2 doggie training classes, chewed everything in sight, pee'd all over the house and generally been a pain in my neck.

we got her when she was a puppy and i had four kids under the age of 5.
i have threatened to give her away more times that i can count.

and yet, she is still here.
she is here cause of sam.
i am not sure i have ever seen a kid love a dog more than this kid.

our boy and his dog

and because of him, she has been with us for almost 10 years.

today as i was doing stuff around the house, i realized that i was talking to good ol' canela.
and i started thinking about her.
i has never really crossed my mind that i like this dog too.
she is my companion when everyone else has left me here alone.
i talk to her, pet her, take her outside.

and i am thankful for her.
me and this dog, we have raised these kids.

and she is a good girl.
and when the time comes that she goes to doggie heaven, it will be a sad sad day.
for sam, for alla the kids and most especially for me.
cause i do love her.

Monday, August 27, 2012

10, 9, 7, 4 and home with momma

today was the day.
the day that i dread all summer long.
the first day of school.
carr 5
 it doesn't ever seem to get any easier to send these kids off to school.
we love our schools and the kids have loads of fun and friends.
but the selfish truth is that i just miss them.
almost 16
hard to believe
it seems to get harder each year.
i am becoming more and more aware that our time together is fleeting.
our sweet girl so excited and ready for this adventure
thankfully, they have mostly gotten use to my crying.
and i remind them all every year to just say the word and i'll homeschool them.
fortunately, they are pretty darn smart and know that i would probably be the strictest teacher they've ever had!

this one is just ready to be with her friends every single day
i am excited to hear about all of their classes.
i am excited to hear about bus rides for the older kids.
i am dying to know if their lunches were good and if hey had enough food.

who told this boy he could grow up so fast
i took wyatt to ride the train today.
he was sad most of the day and asked about 500 times when his kids would be home.
he rode the train with his head down most of the time.
i don't think he will ever get use to his kids going off to school either.

my buddy
and even though i feel a little bummed, i know that they'll all have a great time.
and that they'll be glad to get to see friends.
and that we are doing the right thing.

and that at the end of the day, they always come home.

p.s. this is first back to school post i ever wrote.  2007 seems like it was a million years ago.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

can you hear the sunshine?

these days it is easy for me to forget that the sun is shining.
been sad a lot.
tears come often and hard.

the kids are my constant and welcome companions - even when i wanna strangle them.

i was crying the other day and talking about being so sad that summer is over.
MY time with them is gone.

it is selfish.
i want them with me.

this summer has been just a blur.
and death still weighs heavy on my heart.

these kids are so thoughtful.
so loving.
and they remind me everyday that the sunshine is still coming down.
and they love me.

they helped me make a happy summer clip.

and i am thankful.

Thursday, August 23, 2012


4 year old party

my sweet baby wyatt turned 4 last week.
can you even believe it?

i clearly remember feeling so excited when i found out we were pregnant again.

family 4 birfday
i am sure that i had some doubt and worry during the pregnancy, but i sincerely don't remember having those types of feelings regarding this child - only remember being so happy, at ease and filled with pride.
family 3 birfday
but this child has changed our lives.
he has been a gift to our family.
each of the kids have a special relationship with him.

family 2 birfday
it is interesting how each of the kids fill a specific need for him.  sometimes i feel a bit bad because he will go to them for help before me or jeff.

and then, i am filled with pride because they love each other and need each other.

big boy 1 party
i have so so so many fun memories of our family when there was 1, 2, 3, and 4 kids.  and it seems like the sweet baby must be in all of them.
and yet, he is just 4.
yaye for four.
we all love wyatt.

Monday, August 20, 2012

get it girl

ella bella is the first one in
this weekend we took some friends to one of our favorite central texas swimming holes.
jena flies high
i feel like i spend most of my time these days on the banks of the river trying to catch the perfect picture of the kids as they launch from the rope swing.
miles perfects the pencil dive
this weekend was no different.
sam walks on the water
i think i did fairly well capturing the carr cirque du soleil in the beautiful texas water this weekend.

don't try this at home
but i must admit, the kids and i all had a big laugh as we were looking through the pictures.
the squeels of joy and laughter will be in my head forever
guess another patron decided to walk in front of me and adjust her underpants at the exact same time as sam was flying and i was clicking.
howse that for timing?

Friday, August 17, 2012

excuse me while I cry

one of the only pictures of just
me and my dad

yesterday my back was itchy.
there was no one around to scratch it and i couldn't find my handy dandy back scratcher.

so i leaned up against the corner of the wall and rubbed away.
for a few minutes it felt really great.

and then i realized i was crying.

because my dad always scratched his back on the corner of the wall.
and it was exactly one month since he died.
and i looked at the clock and it was about the same time of day that he took his last breath.

what a bummer.

it has been a weird month and a weird summer.

i guess i'll prolly have a lot of these moments.

which is also weird because i never thought of my dad before when i scratched my back on the corner of the wall.

daddy, momma and carrkids
he died less than 48 hours after this picture