Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I am ashamed

I've decided tonight that I have a new thing that I need to work on. A new thing at the top of the very very very long list of things I need to try and improve. You know things like attitude, eating habits, housekeeping and sarcasm. The sarcastic thing is SO not becoming and yet I am filled with sarcasm almost as soon as I open my eyes each morning.

Anyhoo, my new thing is I've gotta work on being nice. Oh, I should clarify...being nice to people that I don't like. I don't have a long list of people that I don't like. Actually, I can really only think of one or two people.

But good God, I can't drop it. There is a person that I am in social interaction with on a regular basis - three times a week at a minimum. Ya know, it is that kids the same age in the same school doing the same activities kind of thing. This mom drives me up a wall. It has gotten so bad that even her voice bugs me. I will walk and pace on the sidelines of the wrong field away from my child's sporting event to not be near this mom. She sends know-it-all emails. Her kids are bossy. She is the person that flies a banner when she does something great, it's her birthday, she's gone out of her way to help her friend or her dog took a crap. It drives me flat out nuts.

I avoid emails from the person. I have over 400 unread messages right now. (I should be embarrassed to admit it, but alas - it is my life.) Most of the unread messages are truly because I don't know where to start and can't seem to get past the feeling of being overwhelmed by the whole scene. Hers, I flat out don't open.

I am ashamed of myself for feeling this way. Our kids know how I feel. I tell them that not everyone can get along all of the time.

I need to work on this. Why am I such an asshole. I need to be kind and show this person love. Maybe that is what she needs. Or maybe that is what I need. I recognize that this is my problem. I think she is mostly unaware of the extend of my dislike.

I need to get down on my knees and find it in my heart to love even the people that I don't love.

I don't want enemies.

I don't want to feel full of negativity every single time I see this person.

But how do I get to that place?

I just don't even know...


christy said...

{{KC}} You do not have to like her. And love is an action. My opinion on the subject is that you most likely don't say nasty, hateful things to her. I would be willing to bet that if she had a real need, you would help her and THAT would be love.
See if you can figure out how to block her emails and then you won't have a boatload sitting there, taunting you. And for crying out loud! delete some emails! If you have emails that are older than a month that you haven't even opened, delete them.

Anonymous said...

ok .. not gonna dish out advice since i'm clueless on that count as well .. but i will say this .. i love your sarcasm. don't change.



Antoinette said...

Maybe you could smother her. With love and attention. Or a pillow.