I've decided tonight that I have a new thing that I need to work on. A new thing at the top of the very very very long list of things I need to try and improve. You know things like attitude, eating habits, housekeeping and sarcasm. The sarcastic thing is SO not becoming and yet I am filled with sarcasm almost as soon as I open my eyes each morning.
Anyhoo, my new thing is I've gotta work on being nice. Oh, I should clarify...being nice to people that I don't like. I don't have a long list of people that I don't like. Actually, I can really only think of one or two people.
But good God, I can't drop it. There is a person that I am in social interaction with on a regular basis - three times a week at a minimum. Ya know, it is that kids the same age in the same school doing the same activities kind of thing. This mom drives me up a wall. It has gotten so bad that even her voice bugs me. I will walk and pace on the sidelines of the wrong field away from my child's sporting event to not be near this mom. She sends know-it-all emails. Her kids are bossy. She is the person that flies a banner when she does something great, it's her birthday, she's gone out of her way to help her friend or her dog took a crap. It drives me flat out nuts.
I avoid emails from the person. I have over 400 unread messages right now. (I should be embarrassed to admit it, but alas - it is my life.) Most of the unread messages are truly because I don't know where to start and can't seem to get past the feeling of being overwhelmed by the whole scene. Hers, I flat out don't open.
I am ashamed of myself for feeling this way. Our kids know how I feel. I tell them that not everyone can get along all of the time.
I need to work on this. Why am I such an asshole. I need to be kind and show this person love. Maybe that is what she needs. Or maybe that is what I need. I recognize that this is my problem. I think she is mostly unaware of the extend of my dislike.
I need to get down on my knees and find it in my heart to love even the people that I don't love.
I don't want enemies.
I don't want to feel full of negativity every single time I see this person.
But how do I get to that place?
I just don't even know...