how i feel as seen through the faces of wyatt

how i feel about cleaning the garage tomorrow to get ready for our big ass garage sale.

how i feel about working long hours this fall to pay for all of the stuff.

how i feel about the thought of doing so many fun things with our family and friends.

how i feel about halloween, thanksgiving and christmas!

how i feel about my life.

50 years

i wish i knew what this young girl thought her life would be

this weekend was my parent's 50th wedding anniversary.
50 years - that is a loooonnnnngggggg time.

even at the end, she still found a way to smile

we decided to go home and celebrate their marriage with her.  she wanted to go to the salsa fest at the miller outdoor theatre.
it was a lot of fun.

although she is alone, she won't ever be alone

i think she liked our attempt to remember the good times.  no matter what the situation, 50 years with the same person deserves to be recognized.
even if it was just 49 years and 10 months.

celebrating the good times

i guess when people get married, we all believe it will be forever.  we want it to be forever.
even though his death was no surprise, i think she had been thinking about her 50th wedding party just like a young girl dreams of their wedding day.

so when she says she wants to spend the morning at the cemetary alone, who am i to question?

just weird

P.S.  feel i should point out, don't think it is weird momma sat at the cemetary.  just weird that he is in the ground.  still hard to believe.

wah

i miss summer.
6:01am.
leaving to take one to run cross country.
then will come back and take the next one to volleyball at 6:40am.
then 7:20 elementary.
then 8:00 high school.
then 9:00 preschool.
then dishes, laundry, bill paying, eating breakfast with my friends, and so on and so on.
then the afternoon shuffle.
then soccer.
then vball game.
then open house.

wah
wah wah
wah wah wah

this fit brought to you by pop-tarts.

busy is a job

 

for wyatt, being the youngest of 5 is the greatest thing ever.

he is the center of attention all of the time.

he always has someone willing to play, get his water and humor him.

 

these days of the big kids going back to school are so hard for him.

he seems to be pretty down in the dumps and asks often 'if it is time to get my big kids yet?'

 

even our regular train ride found him with his head down on the seat in front of us.

(the.whole.ride)

 

sometimes even our favorite things can't help us get out of the dumps

so that leaves me trying to find ways to keep this guy busy until 2:45 and still get some of my stuff done.

he has loaded and unloaded the washer and dryer multiple times.

he has helped me sweep, done errands and has mastered watering the plants on the deck all by himself.

 

i was relieved when i looked out the window this morning and saw him watering.

mastering the big kid jobs

and he was so proud of himself.

 

 

his pre-k will start next week, so that will help a bit.

and until then, i will be very busy finding ways to keep him busy.



the old girl

canela

this is our old dog, canela.
me and this dog have gone rounds and rounds.
she has been through 2 doggie training classes, chewed everything in sight, pee'd all over the house and generally been a pain in my neck.

we got her when she was a puppy and i had four kids under the age of 5.
i have threatened to give her away more times that i can count.

and yet, she is still here.
she is here cause of sam.
i am not sure i have ever seen a kid love a dog more than this kid.

our boy and his dog

and because of him, she has been with us for almost 10 years.

today as i was doing stuff around the house, i realized that i was talking to good ol' canela.
and i started thinking about her.
i has never really crossed my mind that i like this dog too.
she is my companion when everyone else has left me here alone.
i talk to her, pet her, take her outside.

and i am thankful for her.
me and this dog, we have raised these kids.

and she is a good girl.
and when the time comes that she goes to doggie heaven, it will be a sad sad day.
for sam, for alla the kids and most especially for me.
cause i do love her.

10, 9, 7, 4 and home with momma

today was the day.

the day that i dread all summer long.

the first day of school.

 

carr 5

 

 it doesn't ever seem to get any easier to send these kids off to school.

we love our schools and the kids have loads of fun and friends.

but the selfish truth is that i just miss them.

 

almost 16
hard to believe

it seems to get harder each year.

i am becoming more and more aware that our time together is fleeting.

 

our sweet girl so excited and ready for this adventure

thankfully, they have mostly gotten use to my crying.
and i remind them all every year to just say the word and i'll homeschool them.
fortunately, they are pretty darn smart and know that i would probably be the strictest teacher they've ever had!

this one is just ready to be with her friends every single day

i am excited to hear about all of their classes.
i am excited to hear about bus rides for the older kids.
i am dying to know if their lunches were good and if hey had enough food.

who told this boy he could grow up so fast

i took wyatt to ride the train today.
he was sad most of the day and asked about 500 times when his kids would be home.
he rode the train with his head down most of the time.
i don't think he will ever get use to his kids going off to school either.

my buddy

and even though i feel a little bummed, i know that they'll all have a great time.
and that they'll be glad to get to see friends.
and that we are doing the right thing.

and that at the end of the day, they always come home.

p.s. this is first back to school post i ever wrote.  2007 seems like it was a million years ago.

can you hear the sunshine?

these days it is easy for me to forget that the sun is shining.
been sad a lot.
tears come often and hard.

the kids are my constant and welcome companions - even when i wanna strangle them.

i was crying the other day and talking about being so sad that summer is over.
MY time with them is gone.

it is selfish.
i want them with me.

this summer has been just a blur.
and death still weighs heavy on my heart.

these kids are so thoughtful.
so loving.
and they remind me everyday that the sunshine is still coming down.
and they love me.

they helped me make a happy summer clip.

and i am thankful.
enjoy.