Car time

I am sitting in the car.
Doors shut.
Windows up.

I am listening to the radio and trying to make a blog post.

There is a kid running around the car banging on it.
It is my kid.

He knocked on the window til I finally put it down.
He wanted to show me the cool stick he found.

I can't resist him.
And I feel like I need the quiet.
My insides have been shaking alot lately and sometimes I feel like I just need to be alone for a minute to hold my breath and make the grownup bullshit go away.

And then when I am alone, I start to freak out again.
Cause I am afraid for the future when there is too much quiet.

It is such a weird feeling to have spent a whole life hating to be alone and then all of the sudden realizing that I need to be alone.

Thank goodness I got this dude to not actually let me be alone during the alone time!