Monday, April 27, 2009

Monday Behind

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore... and who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

This was a post that a childhood friend put on Facebook today. How about that. I've read it a few times. I am sometimes very overwhelmed by Facebook. But I do log on every single day to play Bejeweled Blitz. Ugh. Like I need to be spending time playing Bejeweled. My friend Krob is a pro at it. I wish I could be like her and make a high score. I wish I could be like her in a lot of ways. She is good people. She is such a good person that some might even confuse her as being from the greater Manvel-Alvin area. Except she's not. (har har. Cracking myself up.) And then my friend Austin Sarah started playing it too, and she is also way better than me. Ugh. Maybe I'll hafta put out a hit on them. Oh, except for the fact that they are in my mafia. Nevermind.

I've been feeling very protective of my real friends lately. I want to scoop each one of them up and move them onto the girl compound. The safe place where we can sit and visit and drink and pray and cry and laugh. No men allowed. A special key gets each one of us in. This compound doesn't replace our homes or our families. It is just a safe place for each of us to go and be together and refuel. No judgements. No walls. You know I am planning for when we win the lottery.

Then when I come back to reality and realize that I am not building the compound anytime soon, I start daydreaming about spending time with my lifelongs. The people that know the whole story.

I want to be in Germany doing nothing with my Heather, oh and driving down the road with the radio on and visiting.

I want to be with my dear friend Christy at her kid's baseball game so that when one of the bitchy moms makes an ugly comment I can trip and spill my drink all over her.

I want it to be the middle of the night at a house on a shady street in Luckenbach with my Manvel Girls. Oh, and did I mention that I would like to have a little bit of a buzz on that shady street? (Angie, Jena, Nor, Guid and Jennifer)

I'd like to go to Abilene and get to see my old friend Wendy face to face.

I'd like to drive to San Antonio and have a day of kids and catch-up with my friend Angela.

I think a lot about getting to hang out with my cousin Codi and how much fun we can have and how much trouble we can get into.

I want to play ball in my parent's yard with Coletta and Dawn. How could I have asked for better neighbor girlfriends to grow up with?

And my sweet Grease Monkey Kristin. I want to laugh and listen to her laugh.

Oh it is the little things in life. I am so lucky to have so many people in my life that I care so much about. These ladies are the squares in the quilt of my life.

When I picture the quilt of my life, it is full of bright colors with lots and lots of purple. In the center of the quilt is a huge red square for my JC. Surrounding that one big square of love are five big huge colorful squares that represent our miracle children with two squares made out of cloud fabric that represent the babies that didn't make it. Then around that is our family. Parents and grandparents. Brothers and sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews. Cousins, aunts and uncles. Then there is the inner circle of friends.

You know I've always said that friends are the family that we make for ourselves. These ladies are the people from my past that matter. Really really matter. There have been times in my life that each of them have been my family. And I know that there will be times in our futures that we will walk into each other's homes and it be just like it has always been.

My Heather is my sister. I don't know how it is that we didn't come out of the same womb. There have been so many times in our lives that we have cried for each other and with each other. She is the one person besides my JC that I can tell anything, everything and nothing to and it all be okay.

I often send out little prayers of thanks. I know how lucky we are to have lifelong friends. I have known everyone of these ladies for half of my life and in most cases, LONGER. When I talk to the people around me in everyday life, they all seem shocked that I might still be close with my friends from kindergarten. I am constantly left wondering, how could you NOT be friends with the girls that you grew up with?

I watch our daughters have relationships with girls from preschool and public school. I wonder if these friendships will carry over the way that they did for me. I can see that some of these young girls are kids that value and appreciate a true friend and that others are just moving through girls like pieces of bubble gum that have lost the flavor.

I long for my girls to have these connections when they grow up. I know that they see me interact with my lifelongs and that they realize how important it is for me keep watering my friendship gardens. There are so many times in my life that I feel I can't turn to anyone but a lifelong because no one else can really understand why I might be the way I am. There are also times in my life where I might not talk to a lifelong for a long stretch of time, but when we reconnect it is just like home. And that is what true friendship is for me.

Then there will be squares made of fabric with stars that represents all of the people that have walked into my adult life and touched my heart. The people that have made me a better person just because I know them. People like my AJ. Amy came into our life through a stinky ol' boy, but she will be in my heart forever. She is a friend with beautiful heart that I feel like I have known my whole life.

And geez Louise, the quilt will end up covering all of Brazoria county once I count all of my work friends and mom friends. Oh and let's not forget the Sanity Sisters. Gosh, I am thankful for you gals.

I mean really, could it be any better?

Someday very soon, my girls will be at the top of the list for best girlfriends. I am looking forward to it. I know that it could be a long time before we get to that point, but I am going to savor every moment once we are finally there.


HeatherRene said...

How did you do this at orchestra practice? I'm bawling my eyes out and thinking you HAD to be tearing up! I LOVE the quilt and have it all pictured in my head. All the pics are so good. Love you so much~h

Amy J. said...

BooHooHoo, sniff-sniff... <-- Happy tears!

That was truly beautiful. You are so blessed to be blanketed by such amazing and beautiful quilt. Love you tons!

-Wendy said...

I think you need to be a writer when you grow up; feelings and emotions so beautifully and eloquently expressed. Great post. :) You know, I don't have that many true friends in this world, but I love the ones I do have, even if I haven't seen them in years. I think we're both very lucky. And btw, you can come to Abilene anytime!

Kim said...

So after HB's very sentimental comment, I have to say that the arm on TA's shoulder looks like it could maybe be yours! :)

Jennifer said...

Oh my gosh, I should have been warned before I read this blog. I am crying at work.... Kathy, your words make me smile and bring me back to the days when we were small and all of the days in between. I love you more than I can say, I am not very good at words. Thank you. love jena